Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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