Screwed.edu
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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