dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
