I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
