I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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