Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
