he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How does one acquire holy water?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
