just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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