Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
