Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
