I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
