Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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