k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
