I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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