Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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