were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
