Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
