I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wish there were birth control emojis
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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