shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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