Fuck appropriateness.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
