Non-Jews are for practice
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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