I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
