May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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