If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
