Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
