You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
