The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
