The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
