guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
