just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
