I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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