his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
