he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
