it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
