I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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