there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
