did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
