Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
