im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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