i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize