your parents love me but you hate me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Watching her eat just hurts me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize