I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
now i know why i became what i already was.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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