When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
