i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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