Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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