SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
