im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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