my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
