did you get engaged???
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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