I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
