Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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