my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
