Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
