She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
