Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
