who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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