This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
