stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
