Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
