Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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