420 ftw
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
