Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
