we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
