You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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