The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
