I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
