I just saw a hot homeless man
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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