Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
