That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
