Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
