Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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