so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
